What does it mean to be STRUCKAWAKE?
In my last blog I alluded to the meaning by saying that the General logic behind the “struckawake” title is paralleled with epiphany moments of growth due to life changing events. And if you understood this, you know that we have all experienced these phenomena at some level. Kind of like a “light bulb” moment, when clarity comes to something that maybe we understood, but now all of a sudden we understand at a deeper level or maybe even in a completely different way.
For most of us, it happens in ways that help enlighten us to understanding. For others, it is a little by little nudge of reality. For me, well…I can only describe it as graceless, Ha!
My mom used to call me Grace, when I was being clumsy. She said it in a loving, all-knowing manner, as she too tended towards clumsiness. God must have the time of his life watching this girl from the heavens, because my “light bulb” moments have been delivered in the most dramatic…sometimes traumatic ways (depending how I choose to react). Not that God is responsible for the method of delivery, to tell you the truth; I believe it is I, the receiver of the message, or answer to prayer that most often has chosen the delivery option. It more often than not has been delivered to me over and over and over and over again, when finally I am STRUCK and finally AWAKEN to the message, HA!
Not kidding, the first example, I also alluded to in my first post. Happening two days after the STRUCKAWAKE title was chosen….hmmm another message perhaps? You tell me, really…I not only want your opinion, I want your STRUCKAWAKE experiences. In 500 words or less of course;)
In December I backed all my belongings in California, placed them in storage, headed for the Rocky Mountains where the majority of my family lives and I lived for 24 years, before moving to Southern California 13 years ago. With the holidays upon everyone, I believed it to be a perfect time to re-connect with my mom, sons, daughter-n-law, granddaughter and special b2c (best second cousin). Knowing my daughter was off to visit her boyfriend’s family for the first time, my heart, finances (we will not go there now…maybe never) and a fear of the unknown sent me on a 16 hr drive, which I drove, non-stop, but for 5 potty breaks. Going through a divorce after a very, very long-term marriage for the past 17 months has proved to be one STRUCKAWAKE moment after the other, and I had just experienced one, so I longed to be surrounded by the support of my family and not spend the holidays alone. My objective of the trip was to re-connect, love on and be loved by my loved ones for the next month, hoping to make a decision on relocating back to Denver, or returning to California. With a scheduled divorce hearing the beginning of January, my plan was to make a decision by then, to either fly back for hearing, or drive back and set up house once again. It seemed simple at the time, but as the date drew closer and closer, and the resources had not been replenished to even drive back, much less set up house, I started praying…
You would think that all these little indicators, no dollars, attorney saying she can represent me if I will use all my resources to get back, then not to come….you would think this would be enough, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt the message or answer to my prayer for direction. No, I didn’t…I kept asking and asking God. In fact just before the accident…YES, I said accident, I was literally begging God to give me a “clear and concise sign”, if I were to stay or go…HA!!!! And while I was driving to go baby-sit my granddaughter, I was on my paired Blue-tooth ( I say this, so you know I was not being distracted by holding my phone), discussing it once again with my younger son….as if I did not ask God enough, lol! I laugh now, because it just seems so clear, but at the time I just could not accept the truth as it was being presented.
So I’m driving my new,(not really new, it’s a 2008, but new to me) car that I so proudly purchased back in August and I start making a left turn down the street about 3 blocks away from my son’s home, and I know I looked…I’m positive I did, but out of nowhere ( yeah right), a car comes at me, hitting me full force between the passenger front door and the passenger back door…the firemen said I was T-boned. That sounds horrific, and by Gods grace, it could have been, but no one was injured (but for me, after many x-rays and a scan I was released).
Ok God…REALLY??
Yep, I was STRUCKAWAKE….this is what I mean; this is how I usually get messages delivered. Very loudly, very clearly…and although many would say God doesn’t work that way….ummmm…in my life, I beg to differ….and again, this is not Gods fault, but it is mine, because I either can not hear, choose not to listen or just plain and simply am thick in the head and it takes a lot to get through. I was clearly being told to WAIT!
So…today, I’m sitting in a different internet café` telling you my story…it’s been a couple of weeks since the accident…my body is well healed, but my car is being healed, the damage severe, a month of waiting for parts and repairs, but not totaled! It was my fault, to be sure, the guy that hit me thank God wasn’t injured, his car was an oldie, pretty sure it was totaled!
I wonder what his prayer was before our mutual STRUCKAWAKE moment…
Dear God,
I could really use a new car?
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