The Meaning

What does it mean to be STRUCKAWAKE?

In my last blog I alluded to the meaning by saying that the General logic behind the “struckawake” title is paralleled with epiphany moments of growth due to life changing events. And if you understood this, you know that we have all experienced these phenomena at some level. Kind of like a “light bulb” moment, when clarity comes to something that maybe we understood, but now all of a sudden we understand at a deeper level or maybe even in a completely different way.

For most of us, it happens in ways that help enlighten us to understanding. For others, it is a little by little nudge of reality. For me, well…I can only describe it as graceless, Ha!

My mom used to call me Grace, when I was being clumsy. She said it in a loving, all-knowing manner, as she too tended towards clumsiness. God must have the time of his life watching this girl from the heavens, because my “light bulb” moments have been delivered in the most dramatic…sometimes traumatic ways (depending how I choose to react). Not that God is responsible for the method of delivery, to tell you the truth; I believe it is I, the receiver of the message, or answer to prayer that most often has chosen the delivery option. It more often than not has been delivered to me over and over and over and over again, when finally I am STRUCK and finally AWAKEN to the message, HA!

Not kidding, the first example, I also alluded to in my first post. Happening two days after the STRUCKAWAKE title was chosen….hmmm another message perhaps? You tell me, really…I not only want your opinion, I want your STRUCKAWAKE experiences.  In 500 words or less of course;)

In December I backed all my belongings in California, placed them in storage, headed for the Rocky Mountains  where the majority of my family lives and I lived for 24 years, before moving to Southern California 13 years ago. With the holidays upon everyone, I believed it to be a perfect time to re-connect with my mom, sons, daughter-n-law, granddaughter and special b2c (best second cousin). Knowing my daughter was off to visit her boyfriend’s family for the first time, my heart, finances (we will not go there now…maybe never) and a fear of the unknown sent me on a 16 hr drive, which I drove, non-stop, but for 5 potty breaks. Going through a divorce after a very, very long-term marriage for the past 17 months has proved to be one STRUCKAWAKE moment after the other, and I had just experienced one, so I longed to be surrounded by the support of my family and not spend the holidays alone. My objective of the trip was to re-connect, love on and be loved by my loved ones for the next month, hoping to make a decision on relocating back to Denver, or returning to California. With a scheduled divorce hearing the beginning of January, my plan was to make a decision by then, to either fly back for hearing, or drive back and set up house once again. It seemed simple at the time, but as the date drew closer and closer, and the resources had not been replenished to even drive back, much less set up house, I started praying…

You would think that all these little indicators, no dollars, attorney saying she can represent me if I will use all my resources to get back, then not to come….you would think this would be enough, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt the message or answer to my prayer for direction. No, I didn’t…I kept asking and asking God.  In fact just before the accident…YES, I said accident, I was literally begging God to give me a “clear and concise sign”, if I were to stay or go…HA!!!! And while I was driving to go baby-sit my granddaughter, I was on my paired Blue-tooth ( I say this, so you know I was not being distracted by holding my phone), discussing it once again with my younger son….as if I did not ask God enough, lol! I laugh now, because it just seems so clear, but at the time I just could not accept the truth as it was being presented.

So I’m driving my new,(not really new, it’s a 2008, but new to me) car that I so proudly purchased back in August and I start making a left turn down the street about 3 blocks away from my son’s home, and I know I looked…I’m positive I did, but out of nowhere ( yeah right), a car comes at me, hitting me full force between the passenger front door and the passenger back door…the firemen said I was T-boned. That sounds horrific, and by Gods grace, it could have been, but no one was injured (but for me, after many x-rays and a scan I was released).

Ok God…REALLY??

Yep, I was STRUCKAWAKE….this is what I mean; this is how I usually get messages delivered. Very loudly, very clearly…and although many would say God doesn’t work that way….ummmm…in my life, I beg to differ….and again, this is not Gods fault, but it is mine, because I either can not hear, choose not to listen or just plain and simply am thick in the head and it takes a lot to get through. I was clearly being told to WAIT!

So…today, I’m sitting in a different internet café` telling you my story…it’s been a couple of weeks since the accident…my body is well healed, but my car is being healed, the damage severe, a month of waiting for parts and repairs, but not totaled! It was my fault, to be sure, the guy that hit me thank God wasn’t injured, his car was an oldie, pretty sure it was totaled!

I wonder what his prayer was before our mutual STRUCKAWAKE moment…

Dear God,

I could really use a new car?

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~ by struckawake on January 30, 2011.

11 Responses to “The Meaning”

  1. Wow. I didn’t know about the accident. This is very well written sis. One thing that kept coming to my heart as I read it was Isaiah 60:1 where it says ARISE (Wake Up) and shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord is upon you. “Struck Awake” makes me think about how God has His ways of waking us up to His will and plan. I know that God has such an awesome plan for all our lives and all of us have been struck awake at times. I pray things work out with your car and you know I am praying about everything else. I PRAISE God that you are okay! Love you sis!

    • Caroline… Your opinion is so valuable to me… Thank you love.., I’m glad you like it! Little by little… God is revealing, so many struckawake moments!
      I actually also got this verse… Good one to remember, when I fine tune the layout:)

  2. I believe that God wishes for his children to live fully alive, with that said, STRUCKAWAKE would be a beginning in my opinion. We live lifetimes before we feel fully alive and fully awake, and aware of true purpose and direction.

    I know that in my experience the hardest thing to do in life is be still and wait for direction. I know that you are waiting for GOD to send a clear sign to lead you to where HE would have you go. All I can say is GOD speaks through his people and to seek them and their council when the waiting is too great to bear.

    As women we want to be there for our children and are totally crushed when we feel they no longer need us as they once did. It is so very difficult to embrace the changes that their growing up has on us as parents. They are our life, how do we began to separate ourselves from them?

    I love your blog, and encourage you to write more.
    I love you and pray for your STRUCKAWAKE moment from GOD.

  3. Wow Paula,

    I knew you were a gifted writer, however I have yet; until this point, been offered the opportunity to read your works. I must say, Truly amazing…. I can clearly see the events written, as if i was there… I am by no point a writer of any sort, however I am a lover of literature, words, and books…. I also have never written a blog… I find this an interesting way of expressing your self, your feelings, and generally the happenings of your life. I must be one of the few people in my generation, who does not blog on the internet, let alone in my city. Being a citizen of king county – east Seattle. However I fit the bill, as I sit here on a sunday morning, drinking my soy chai latte, from Tullys ( I loath starbucks, and our favorite coffee stand is a bit farther than a quick drive to the shell/tullys behind my condo ) typing on my laptop. I am glad to say that this is my first blog experience. I have been through alot in my lifetime, however that does not exclude me from my own “struckawake” experiences. I have yet to gather enough memory, or thought about times when i have been searching for guidance, or answers from god… That does not mean in any way, that I have yet to need the guidance of god. There has just been so many instances in my life, and my wifes life, that we have needed god, and either didnt ask for help, or failed to see the signs or gestures. I will definately have to keep thinking on this one, and get back to you. However Sarah says that I should blog more, so I will think about it. Maybe you can help me in this manner Paula. I did, so very much enjoy reading your blog and hope that you continue writing more. It is almost time for my wife and I to go back to tullys and complain about the service and coffee we got.. New people working today, horrible service, disgusting coffee.. They better watch out, and make it right, because my wife is not shy about complaints, especially since we have been loyal customers for over a decade now, and have yet to have this bad of service….

    • Travis,
      I’m so excited for you… Definitly get started… It is a wonderful outlet!
      I would love to interview you about your own struckawake experience. As I said via text… It does not mean you HAVE to have a relationship with God to have these moments of clarity… I do believe it’s GOD’s way of perhaps revealing himself to us! That was just one example!
      Struckawake doesn’t not have to be painful, these moments can also come during great times of joy ( like the birth of a child). So write to me about your experience… Or let me interview you and write it for you on my blog…

  4. i would love to be interviewed, I am still recalling one of my experiences where god has showed himself to me… one thing i would definately like to do, is start my own blog. I am unsure of how to do this though. so to start, you can interview me on my struckawake experience. How would you like to begin this adventure???

  5. Paula,

    This is an amazing start and a valuable new venture. I look forward to reading more as you continue to be inspired. I also look forward to contributing my own STRUCKAWAKE moments.

    God knows, in some areas – I’m still waking up. In others, I’m slowly recovering from the haze of being STRUCK.

    I love you and your family very much.

    Troy

  6. I LOVE YOU SIS & AM SOOOOOOO INCREDIBLY PROUD OF YOU! IT’S BEEN AN HONOUR TO BE BY YOUR SIDE AND WATCH YOU BLOOM! YOUR TRANSFORMATION IS INSPIRING AND SUCH A NEAT TESTIMONY FOR ALL TO SEE!

    SO I’M THINKING MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY A BRIGHTER COLOUR FOR THE BACKGROUND? IT WOULD MATCH YOUR SUNSHINEY PERSONALITY BETTER…=)

    HUGS TO YOU!

  7. Hi Paula, I’m your WORDS WITH FRIENDS friend. I just read your blog and all I can say is amazing! You know what’s funny is that while I was readin your last entry, an interesting song was playing in my office that seems to go so well with you’re blog and that entry. It was “All is Bright” by Diane Arkenstone, from her BEST OF album. That mysterious tune really matched the feeling I was getting while reading your entry. I am assuming that the photo at the bottom of your blog is you. You are incredibly attractive! Thank you for sharing your blog with me. Now you have to add the feature for poeple to follow you. You appear to have real talent in taking emotion and turning it into words. It doesn’t look like you updated it in a awhile… I hope you will continue to keep it updated. Please let me know how I can help you.

    • Bill,

      Thank you so much for your kind words… From you it means so much. You can help me any way you want. I may be a writer, but not formally trained, all comes from my heart:)

      I was six years old when I started writing songs and poems… Wrote for a short time in the 80’s for a small women’s magazine ( women’s profiles).

      Thanks again!
      Love losing to you playing WORDS w/ Friends… I’ve met some incredible people on there… Funny place to meet, ay?

      Paula

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